Choice

What does choice mean to you? Does it mean being able to make a decision and be able to defend it if required? Does it mean sticking with it regardless of what anyone says? How much advice should you take from those who are well-meaning? Are we obligated to explain our choices to those who love us? If your choices do not align with what they want for you, do you divert to please others?

I have spent most of my adult years trying to please the people in my life. This has often resulted in me being somewhat unhappy with the choices that I have made. I am the person who would seek approval for something as insignificant as a hairstyle, and if one person did not approve, it would affect me so badly. For simple things like wearing makeup, I would wait for the obligatory stamp of approval. It sounds ridiculous now, but this has shaped me so much that sometimes I wonder who I really am. I realize now that if I do not stand up for the choices I make in my life, people will continue to try to define me. It is time for me to show my true self so I can live the life that best suits me and makes me happy. I do not have to explain myself to anyone anymore. I have to trust myself and my own instincts.

The funny thing is that when people make decisions about their lives, they do not consult me. Why do I feel the need to consult on every single thing? I have to let go of that insecure little girl who did not feel good enough unless someone said it. I am enough. My choices are mine and were made with the information I had at the time. Regret is really something that just steals your joy. It prevents you from moving forward.

I recently lost my cousin very suddenly. His death has affected me more than I could have imagined. He was a brother to me, someone I could talk to without judgment. He experienced the highs and lows of life and understood what it meant to hit rock bottom only to claw your way back. He was on the cusp of his greatest achievement, but just like that, he was gone. This has lit a fire under me to keep pushing forward regardless of what anyone says because, more often than not, people will project their own insecurities, fears and traumas onto you. Let’s face it, we all do it. It takes a great deal of self-awareness to take a step back and realize when you are doing it. One thing I have learned to develop is self-awareness. I listen to advice or opinions, process them, and if they do not resonate with me, I discard them. I am taking my power back by building my relationship with God, my guardian angels and the universe on my own terms. Whatever feels good at the moment, I will do. After all, it is my life to live and no one else’s.

That is what choice is to me…